Above and Below.

oh boy.

today I realized that life to me can be defined by one specific event in my past. A 20 something year old shooting himself in the face and everyone else being physically punished for his decision to do so. How this makes sense, I dont know, and I think that's my point. Everything in this world is fucking ridiculous.

your name here, my name here

we'd whistle across the lake to hear our notes echo off the mountains
it was growing colder, more still, darker.
thunder could now be heard traveling through the valleys, searching for open ears.
the clouds lit up like thoughts from neuron to neuron.



there were wolves across the lake,
their cackles and yelps floating along the mirrored sky of galaxies and shooting stars
the eerie call of giant elk woefully searching for a reply in the emptiness.
how were you? how I wanted my calls to reach you.
just the faintest of tunes from my lips
to send a message, ridden on the hairs of your neck
come to me.

flirting with safety.

There have been nights when I ponder how these individuals would've lived
had their moment in time not been cut so short. With the deaths of several firefighters
this year, I keep in mind that camaraderie can be your worst enemy-it may be a horrible
thing to live with the decision to not follow your team into danger and death, but
is it worse than dying? Are the feelings of guilt, resentment, and shame stronger factors
than your own family's suffering? I just don't know what I would've done.
would I have left safety and followed-or stayed?

a familiar fear.

I don't see your eyes often
they're big, dark, intimidating pools filled with the might and sadness of a weathered woman
with a brow lowered to see past the glare of spoken words and promiscuous lips. 

so I greet your back
shoulders strong and articulated, resembling the rolling hills of our basin
ink brands and great bands of flexing muscles with drainages cut by small streams of sweat
shadows cast and move along the divides as our bodies meet and pull apart in the flickering light.

sometimes I whisper endearments to your bruised neck
with the reward of warm thighs wrapped round ears and a taste that welcomes a talented tongue

a love is sung by two wandering souls
a duet of moans and awkward statements
with laments of passed parents and those who would abuse these tones

I don't want to let go.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness every day
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away.

P.S. love makes me a better person. nothing else does. I've been a really shitty human being for a while, but there were brief moments where I truly thought I could be something else.

apathy and paperwork

The military just won't leave me alone. when I was released from that hell hole in Texas, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Now after two years, it's unrelenting claws have dug back in, trying to drag me back down. The army has claimed my empathy, creativity, passion, my sensitivity-I feel so grey inside. All I had was my freedom and I feel it slipping away again.

just leave me alone, please.
please let me be.


Texas, Washington, Montana, Alaska, these are my homes away from home. I wish to go back, but feel unsure of it being a reality now. I'm getting closer and closer to being trapped.
 

Among the taiga and tundra

 

 

 

ho-hum.

"Diversity training"

the group consisted of about 40 white males, age 24-35-one in his forties-one white female, two black men, and two Hispanic men-including myself-and one male ethnic Christian from Egypt.
notice the only issue that they couldn't own up to was race, many went into a rage when it was suggested that whites were the majority and dominant. They felt attacked, they were angry and enraged by their guilt. you could see it in their faces.

some things never change.
 

no bueno?

why couldn't that hoe's name never be spoken in my presence again? The world just has to be interconnected and full of surprises. Hope ya both stay happy and away from me and my ears for the rest of my life. good lord.

I just want to walk up mountains all day