today.

I got up at 830 this morning to wake murray for whatever reason, but he wasn't even there. I went back to sleep only to be woken up again by a phone call, ten minutes later. fuck. can't ever sleep in.
even though I went straight back to sleep afterwards :]

had another call around 12. forgot I was supposed to go to lunch with my section today. oops.
I threw on some clothes that were sitting on the floor, next to my bed. splashed water on my face and walked out the door. I called my mom to let her know I was ok and attempted to call my grandmother. there phone was off, as usual.

for some reason I got the idea of calling my ex-girlfriend back. boyyyy did i regret that after wards. she always gives me this empty feeling in my chest-along with a sinking one in my stomach... anyways, when berry arrived to pick me up, kayla called me on the way to cheddars. holy fuck it was good to hear her voice. then she hit me hard. she was moving back to italy. to get back with her ex, ofcourse. I loved her so much. I wanted to see her one more time and there's no way thats happening. I felt so defeated.
her last words were "call me when you're not so gloomy". fuck my life.

I got dropped off with the new guy and met up with jay, el capitan, faggle, and sgt tomlin. we ate, discussed goals and got to know eachother a little better. it was nice, I suppose.
el capitan dropped me back off at the barracks and I called jess to talk the day away.
I swear, for some reason I can talk with her more than anyone I know. I don't get it.
from that point on my day was a blurr. hours felts like minutes. minutes were moments.

moments of peaceful silence. something I seem to crave sometimes.

I don't want to stop writing. I don't want to have to be in the moment, I'd rather take myself out and look in. its so hard to come to terms with events that have unfolded.