last night, when I closed my eyes to fall asleep, I visioned my father being crushed by a car rolling across the side of a road. then I though of him being ejected through a windshield.
I thought it was gone. apparently not. I don't think it ever will be.
anyways, note to self: stop having sex with promiscuous women.
today was a bi-polar day. we did conditioning drills for pt and I got to watch SGT. Westmoreland be sexy as fuhhhhh while she instructed it all. oh my god i want to fuck her sooo badddddddddd. she's beautiful, quirky, and fit-the only woman I've seen do sit-ups while hanging from a pull-up bar. mmmmm, I need to stop myself. sigh, anyways. after PT I scrambled back to my room to nibble on nasty ass sandwiches and get ready for work. I left around 840 and got to the office to realize I was the only one there... talk about awkward. it turns out I was supposed to be in the motorpool to rearrange our connex for inspection. well. I didn't know that. ofcourse it was a chance for everyone to belittle me again and point out how I never do anything right. but who really cares? certainly not I. we didn't get inspected until around 1030-an hour late. in the army, punctuality only matters if you make less than $30,000 a year. aftere that, my day just turned for the worst, really. not so good phonecalls, I got put on reset detail(rebuilding M16s), and I have until the end of this week to finish my online classes and find a car to purchase. fuck. it doesn't help that I'm starting to really pick apart everyone around me-I'm such a dick to any person who approaches me. how the fuck do you make friends if you dislike the majority of your own society? I guess I'm shit out of luck for now. I really feel like smoking. but at the same time I want lance lungs... so. I'm stuck with this stress. no outlet. no solutionnnnnnnn. I just want to go to afghanistan, be cut off from the world, and sit in the delirious heat. I just wanna good laugh, you know? its good to be able to see humor in your own misery.
I thought it was gone. apparently not. I don't think it ever will be.
anyways, note to self: stop having sex with promiscuous women.
today was a bi-polar day. we did conditioning drills for pt and I got to watch SGT. Westmoreland be sexy as fuhhhhh while she instructed it all. oh my god i want to fuck her sooo badddddddddd. she's beautiful, quirky, and fit-the only woman I've seen do sit-ups while hanging from a pull-up bar. mmmmm, I need to stop myself. sigh, anyways. after PT I scrambled back to my room to nibble on nasty ass sandwiches and get ready for work. I left around 840 and got to the office to realize I was the only one there... talk about awkward. it turns out I was supposed to be in the motorpool to rearrange our connex for inspection. well. I didn't know that. ofcourse it was a chance for everyone to belittle me again and point out how I never do anything right. but who really cares? certainly not I. we didn't get inspected until around 1030-an hour late. in the army, punctuality only matters if you make less than $30,000 a year. aftere that, my day just turned for the worst, really. not so good phonecalls, I got put on reset detail(rebuilding M16s), and I have until the end of this week to finish my online classes and find a car to purchase. fuck. it doesn't help that I'm starting to really pick apart everyone around me-I'm such a dick to any person who approaches me. how the fuck do you make friends if you dislike the majority of your own society? I guess I'm shit out of luck for now. I really feel like smoking. but at the same time I want lance lungs... so. I'm stuck with this stress. no outlet. no solutionnnnnnnn. I just want to go to afghanistan, be cut off from the world, and sit in the delirious heat. I just wanna good laugh, you know? its good to be able to see humor in your own misery.
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