bad habit.

a lot of the time, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and grab the closest thing i can write on, just to put my thoughts down. sometimes its reciepts, sometimes its philosophy books that make me go back to sleep. I should probably keep a note pad attached to me, literally. I could tie it to my wrist or something.

someone has propagated themselves in my mind, the bastards. I just wrote down some quick stuff so I could write more...well.... right now, at work. hell, its not like I actually have anything to do. not to get off the subject, but the idea to have such a large active duty military is completely rediculous. it exists, in my opinion, to stimulate growth and eliminate stagnation. after all, most cities that the bases are located in would lose TONS of jobs and consumers without them. like the one I'm at. it creates an illusion of actual growth, in my opinion. people pay taxes... to pay me... to buy things in places no one lives... and to make sure that the united states gains more space to do business at.

ANYWAYS, I haven't really looked into it that much to actually know what the fuck I'm talking about. just a bunch of assumptions, I suppose. hmmm. whatever.

she's fucking driving me crazy.

my ADD is raging right now.

oh yeah, i finished the catcher in the rye a few days ago. it was alright. kinda made me feel like I havent grown out of some "stage" yet. i don't know.
so far I've read anthem, the fountainhead, 1984, animal farm, cat's cradle, and those two stupid james frey books again. I don't know what else to waste my time with. any suggestionsaaaaa?
I feel like I've been playing catch up on my literature, since I dropped out of high school. no regrets, though. stupid mother fuckers get institutionalized and get some kind of idea that they're better than you because they went to fucking school. not everyone's sole ambition is to impress everyone around them. I don't need objects of an establishment to tell me I am intelligent or successful. I shall gauge my own accomplishments based off of my desires, not others'.

no more pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaseeeeeee.
I never have an actual subject. my mind is too jumbled.

CALIFORNIA SUCKS!

When you're in the army.

IN THE YEAR 2013.

its becoming increasingly difficult to hide my emotions about my employer... yesterday I pretty much ended my job in public affairs-prolly goin back to S-6. no tellin how long this whole army thing is gonna last, in general.I'm hoping i'll make it to the end of my contract. just gotta keep tellin myself that this will pay off in the end, but fucking god DAMN. damn damn damn FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKITYFUCK. fuck. I need a kitten-or a bunny. something cute and soft to calm me down. too bad I'm only allowed to have a fish. WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYY am I nagging so much lately? I almost feel like there's all this pentup anger building from every little insignificant rule that holds me back. I once heard that all the free men(and women) are the ones in prison. there's a reason they were confined; was it because they are bad people or rebellious in nature? maybe a lil bit of both?...????? am I bad person for wanting to do whatever I wish? or does it make me a bad person for NOT doing what ever i want? kinda pointless to ask-since its up to me to answer... jeez, I'm psycho.

california stars seventeen chimes

its a great new day, darling.
a great new morning full of prospects, stars, and soon-sunshine.
hold your head up high and sing! sing, sing, sing-cos one day I'll be close enough to hear. and one day I'll be able to sweep you off your feet.
again.
again, again, and again, and I'll never ever, ever stop staring my past into your heart. we'll fill eachother up til our belts are undone.
your helpings of compassion drive me.
you are the dew on my brow. a beautiful waking to everyday-momentary, but a glimpse of whats to come.
no mountain could stop me from gazing from freckle to freckle.
no ocean could drowned out the sound of your mighty seal roar.
and no gunfire, no explosions, no blood, no death will make me forget what matters most. life is nothing but a game with out you.
nothing's real with out you.
bring the peace, babe. bring that song loud and high. language becomes a thing of the past. A new beginning, free of hatred and deceit!
replaced with honest eyes and a voice of silk. sing, sing, sing so the world'll see!
in surprise they'll know-oh, they'll know. that love is what matters.
no matter how fleeting.
show them all, not just me.
I always told you, remember? you're a gift not limited to me.
you're not mine to cage, but I'll always, always, always
be there to open a door for you to fly.

believe me, I spout nonsense. I spout overplayed words and lines.
but does that make them any less mine?
I support a living idea.
someone's gotta keep it goin-and I'll always be a someone.

generation to generation, we've all got our ways.
mine happens to be through you.

dream dream dreams, come my way. I'll keep my banter behind my eyes and on the tip of a pen. for you and who ever cares to see.
cos I realized, it doesn't just have to be you and me.

borders.

No, not the store, but the invisible boundaries created by the establishment that enforces its laws upon us.

"The establishment, a corporate investment.
The establishment, just one large police force."
What a great corporate message of their own they could put out.

Borders are to recognize different establishments unwillingness to sacrifice power.
sometimes borders are treated as what they are, imaginary lines-in the case of most south american countries, Iraq, Vietnam, Afghanistan. all know too well, whether from current or historical situations.

although the establishment recognizes borders, when its convenient, the corporate entity that it relies on, does not.
globalization has become rampant and the illusion that the local establishments govern these enities is slowly but surely disolving-since we are forced to consume now. through taxation, the establishment steals what we are "owed" and feeds the dying corporate monster that it relies on. whether we buy or protest, they'll get our money either way. this is our fate in a welfare state. the only way to truely escape would be to drop out of the system-or be a native american-either way would be effective from escaping this black hole.

I think about how budding socialist countries were crippled by governments around the world. how nationalization of resources and many services was never an option. it just shows how transparent even the establishment sees itself; just a sheep in wolf's clothing. the corporate strongholds will never allow the world to be owned by the people, a nation, or absent of ownership entirely. they only see one option and its to rule and own everything. a grandeur delusion-a very detrimental one, at that, to everyone.