kindergarten kings

 mississipi sounds from the crinkling of white sheets; a search for laughter, to quench an angry thirst.
me first.
giggles escape, along with wasted air; spending tokens from the edges of bleached ocean. from punch to slap to tickle to kiss, the smiles will never fade.
so promises were made.
hands grasped hands that were after slender thighs and an innocent natural high.
I wont lie.
I promise-if that means much at all. for a call to arms, that bend 'round breasts, is not a useful plea.
so now it's your turn to lead.

4th dimension

air dry and the sun ever curious of my wandering. its time to finally go through with a promise made to you.
roots twisted and arched, pointlessly trying to make my journey more annoying than it already seemed.
the fork in the trail presented itself and I wandered out into the open path. brush was thick and high. the animal trails presented themselves.
"how do you do?", I asked the ghosts greeting.
"please."
with a wave of hands, I bowed to follow faithfully.
I stood at the end of a cavern, made from twigs and dead leaves, to a part in a play.
the crowd was quiet and expectant as I performed faithfully.
the beauty of my memories was not present. only a moment injected into time. my motive was all that I percieved-all that existed.
I carve.
one blade dulls to the sound of my framework chipping and chipping and chipping as I sit studying my wounds these wounds that I'm carving out and in-
front of me. here we are.
faithfully.
arms grow heavy and I rest next to my bike. our environment becomes very real.
its a boar with its offspring. I stand for some odd reason and stare. the young scurry and their mother, startled, jumps to face me. I glare into its eyes with a pestering curiousity. it sees nothing. how could it? I left months ago.

only the title of this production lay here, plastered now. a faithful resting place.  R
S

Parallax Error

I wake in a haze of hungry lips and cigarette smoke.
The foul air within our molding sepulchre stains the walls of my lungs.
An angel bows over my open tomb,
her marriage to religion stronger than a covalence that law has created.
I feel firm breasts pressed against my ribs-she sighs as violent a reaction;
Avarice precipitates from such an event.
speaking through the venomous fog, I whisper through pursed lips
“why are you deploying? “
The gates open but vigilant guards give a mute judgment that screams reluctance.
“do we have to talk about this right now? Its not something I wanna think about. Lets just enjoy the time we have.”
“you’re a coward, Kayla.”
“what the fuck?”
She raises above me, her prayers straddle metaphysical and concrete unions-such a duality shall not be tolerated.
“You know what, you should just go. I don’t need this shit right now-how could you even say that to me? I’m gonna be stuck in that fucking hellhole for twelve months.”
“but you’re CHOOSING to, that’s my point! Why the fuck are you going? You don’t love him.”
The skies roar as storms entrench. the gates shake as they are braced by the armies of Valhalla.
Will they strike down my naked sin?
“Do you know how hard this is? I fucking love you, but what the fuck? How can you expect me to just let my whole life fucking fall apart just for what YOU want? I know, no matter what, your lies will never stop.”
I am exiled from the thought of entering her plane. These tears are my crucifixion, for I am always the catalyst of the carnival.
“why don’t you trust me? I love you.”
“no you don’t! you fucking lie and lie and cheat. that’s all you fucking do and I just put up with it. I’m not gonna lose the only thing I have left.”
“you know what you fear most. And you know what feeds those loving hands.”
“shut the fuck up. I’m not scared of you anymore-I know you.”
Dumb, I have become. Only for a moment am I in disarray.
“this cant be real. You would never understand that.”
“and you’ll never understand this.”

My eyes open and I’m surprised to see Brittney next to me.
I slide from under her grasp, careful not to wake her.
What is happening to me? What the fuck is going on?
The mirror has no response for me today.
I look down at my hands, grasping desperately to the counter.
My arms are shaking.
walking out of the bathroom, I make my way to the apartment window.
I murmur, “looks like its gonna rain again today.”
My stare does not break from the foliage.
Their bark has turned blue but the leaves are black and matted with blood.
The air is stirred from the music between sheets and skin.
“I love you.”
A smile breaks my concentration; I turn to face a beautiful distraction.
“I see you decided to finally wake up.”
“I had a dream about you, ya know.”
“oh really? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you after you fix me breakfast, dearest.”
Her wit and cunning amuses me acutely.
I leap at the chance to rebel.
“AHHHHHHHHHH-GREG!”
As graceful as an earthquake, I land and quickly embrace her cheeks with open palms.
“I’ve missed your sass while you slept.”
“I bet you did-now make me pancakes?”
“only if you’ll let me cover you with aunt jemima”
“that sounds kinky, but I keep imagining you trying to stick me to something…so, no.”
“whatevz.”
I stand high above her, my feet sinking into the soft mattress.
I offer my hand and she accepts.
“lets go make those pancakes.”
“hah.”
“and by the way,”
I hold those cold hands close and send my thanks through seemingly smooth edges.
“I love you too.”
its truly beyond me.

ASTRO TURF

prairies laid around the abyss
warm, gentle slopes rise close to the ledge
leading down to a sun stained canyon, my lips plunge off the edge
crashing down smooth skin, falling upon a plateau
strong yet feminine in nature
a platform to sow our seeds

following the strings of a marionette master
exploring this architectural act, curves continue as peaks reveal
caramel areolas, a carousel
saltation tip to tongue

a bow is given and trails are followed
towards the retreat of an ocean, a paradoxical withdrawal
an exploration within two tastes
expiration has been displaced

sepiida

its raining.
never thought it would-not here-not now... pretty stupid, right?


hmmm.

the air tastes of concrete, its harsh on my throat. the shelter of the trailer I'm on, wraps around my shoulders-I feel so warm.

you know how much I love the rain.
the sounds, sight, smells.
you know so much about me. I miss you, by the way. it's been a while-and the last time wasn't very ideal.
I have dreams of us drenched from running through the rain, sitting next to each other to keep warm-on the ground, against the wall of my apartments. a draft howling through the front door, we huddle and wait for the wind to stop. the relief of warmth returns. the dying sunflowers strain and become unstrained with the laughs and squeels of the children in the court yard.
we don't talk.
we just sit-I stare at the death-you watch our toes. they overlap one another, your big toe beating down on my pinky. I lean my head on to yours and the rivulets of the st. johns absorbs my weary mind. the smell of the parched pavement is overwhelmed by the essence of your waves. as I sink down to your bottom, like I have so many times before, the thrashing from the storm becomes muffled-and an afterthought.
I close my eyes, and we sit.
we sit there and we sit there and we stay there. the rain does not stop. it does not let up. but I am safe in your currents. I am safe in the grips of our toes.
I am safe and warm and calm, and I am happy to be.
in the darkness of the skies in the darkness of the night, dreaming-in the darkness of your watersmeetingcoolpristinebeautifulmesmerizingspringblue. springblue. the source from which your murky waters flow. pureclearblue to wateroakbrown. I'll never tire of stirring your waters.
at night. in day. under trees. in rain. in heat. in snow. in sand. in dreams. in blankets. in hand. in truth: I feel at peace.

there's no reason to leave.

one day we'll go back.

and carve our names;
let our existance be known.
This is our sanctuary,
Our home, our world.
It belongs to us.
Regardless of the ground from which it sprung,
In spite of the sun that reaches its shade.
Our love has encased Haven from rains that follow.
its creator-the earth.
Your submission under me conquered its terrain.
I’ve destroyed lips that warrant worship.
scarred knees, quaint as the clouds.
filled your body, to vanquish that thirst.
a thirst for slavery.
you are mine.
And this ours.

I come inside her, we lay on our bed of blankets and grass. the body heat dissipating and the cold creeping in. I hold her.
she looks into my begging eyes,
"there is this world,"
and my hand trails to the echoes of civilization,
"and then there is that world."
her eyes follow the direction, the words are picked up by a breeze of trangression.
"this is my domain. here, now, with you at my side. it is Being. but, see,
you belong to both places-and not simultaneously.I have been cast out from the simple act of exhaling. everything that has become you is rooted in that world. I cannot take you from which you grow. you will be left to stagnate and starve, with me as your witness. you've known this, always. though you act as if this polarity is of no importance-that our fractured meetings in time are sewn together, seamlessly."
her nose nestles into the valley of my chest. my hands are cold, and my heart fights to be nearer.

I have this overwhelming desire

to tell you I love you.
that i love you a hundred million times over.
it won't end and its okay.
my chest is tight-keeps tryin to push my heart through my throat. I guess it has alot to say that my mind just can't grasp right now.
after all, my brain thinks to much and has nothing but caution to greet my tongue.
my heart beats a tune that my mouth can move to. they sing duets when I feel you're presence. damn it's intense. a part of me wants it to pass, the other side wants to know what follows. does anything follow? perhaps not, but its too enchanting to give up hope.

I'm headin to california in just a little over a week. god damn. and this song won't stop playing in my head.

california stars

I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars

I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on

Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
of California stars

I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars

Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars

They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine

So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars

I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars

I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on

Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
of California stars

I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars

Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars

They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine

So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars

So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars

(woody guthrie wrote it, but I've only heard mistuh bragg sing it.)

california stars seventeen chimes

its a great new day, darling.
a great new morning full of prospects, stars, and soon-sunshine.
hold your head up high and sing! sing, sing, sing-cos one day I'll be close enough to hear. and one day I'll be able to sweep you off your feet.
again.
again, again, and again, and I'll never ever, ever stop staring my past into your heart. we'll fill eachother up til our belts are undone.
your helpings of compassion drive me.
you are the dew on my brow. a beautiful waking to everyday-momentary, but a glimpse of whats to come.
no mountain could stop me from gazing from freckle to freckle.
no ocean could drowned out the sound of your mighty seal roar.
and no gunfire, no explosions, no blood, no death will make me forget what matters most. life is nothing but a game with out you.
nothing's real with out you.
bring the peace, babe. bring that song loud and high. language becomes a thing of the past. A new beginning, free of hatred and deceit!
replaced with honest eyes and a voice of silk. sing, sing, sing so the world'll see!
in surprise they'll know-oh, they'll know. that love is what matters.
no matter how fleeting.
show them all, not just me.
I always told you, remember? you're a gift not limited to me.
you're not mine to cage, but I'll always, always, always
be there to open a door for you to fly.

believe me, I spout nonsense. I spout overplayed words and lines.
but does that make them any less mine?
I support a living idea.
someone's gotta keep it goin-and I'll always be a someone.

generation to generation, we've all got our ways.
mine happens to be through you.

dream dream dreams, come my way. I'll keep my banter behind my eyes and on the tip of a pen. for you and who ever cares to see.
cos I realized, it doesn't just have to be you and me.

the sand gives way.
our foot steps are hidden by the oaks that overhang.
theres an old boat that's been left to decay in the waters of the lake. its bow stands mightly above the water's murky reach.
the small waves reach our toes.
I speak.
one day all of this will be gone. I hope I'm not alive to see it.
she doesn't say a word, just clears her throat. her hair is untamed and soft. reminds me of a lions mane. her skin blends with the bleached sand.
her eyes meet god in the sky.
can we stay here?
depends on how long you have in mind.
I want to go further. get lost. from the boats, the litter, the cars, the voices, the airplanes, helicopters, and away from the sun. deep into the jungle where the trees make their home.
we walk. I slash. we enter.
the oaks and palms tower high above us. the magnolias, in bloom, fill the thick air with their magnificent perfume. this is where we are meant to survive. the sun's rays struggle against the foilage to make their mark upon the forest floor. ponds and small canals flow through the endless field of ferns.I've entered a cavern that glows a spectrum of greens. no darkness could hide its beauty.
I wish I was high right now.
no darkness.
why?
because I'd prolly go insane and end up getting eaten by an alligator.
no darkness could hide this-she laughs.
um. what?
the colors. they change. from neon, to drab. its like looking through a kaleidoscope.
sooo... where does the alligator come in?
the ticks. I can feel them on my legs.
OH MY GOD, WHAT?
I just imagine if I was high, I'd probably end up flailing in the lake.
...can we go now?
hold on.
I try to take it all in. my home. this is where I belong.
our species started here. then we imagined power. we imagined control. we imagined superiority.
we became lost in a lucid dream.
now we are ruled by gods that we buy, elect, or worship; ruled by gods that we aspire to be.
can we go now?
yeah. lets go.
all there is in prison, is darkness. might as well dream.

no more.

everything is falling apart.

everyone.
those I see, touch, and know are crumbling in between the minutes-I'm so tired of searching through every moment to reconstruct. brittany is gone. breezes picked up and dispersed the ashes. nothing left to rub on gritted teeth. nothing left to fuel the rage. life's image has revealed itself to me on a cross. hung out for those to make a mockery of-and for me-to feel nothing. there is no love, nor dreams worth fighting to preserve, only lies. self preservation and self interest. living for myself reminds me how much I despise who I am-and everyone who cherishes it... or atleast pretends. you are there, lying in bed alone in his arms. which reality is truth? the seemingly false letters streaming from smooth lips? or the fact that you let him inside-where its been said only I belong?
both? that seems like a bullshit answer you'd give.
mother fucker. when I see you, it won't matter. it won't last.

this cigarette burns too fast.
the ashes flutter like flak in a war torn starry sky. gleaming death falls upon my thigh.
fuck, it stings. a scar-a plea-a reminder of times passed wasting away to burning down the memories sunk gracefully to the bottom of an oil slick body of bodies of bodies.when will I look up from this painful reverie?
my feet know best, they always serve as a trustworthy guide.
walk, walk, walk, just-just no more talk.

American Idol

Ghosts of tired delusions stain the bed sheets. I can taste the salts in my mouth. It makes me want it more. Want to peer through my face? We can all take a closer look. A circus masquerade, a fitting freak show for my captive audience.

Do it. Fucking do it. Recoil operated words will pierce though this mirrored image of disgust. Got greasy palms from holding my head too long-suppose these worn finger tips of mine might slip upon the trigger? A memetic inheritance shall leak through my eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. Subconscious scripts of viral information will run rampant through your system of absolutes and discrepancies. sleep and routine will never cease to be tainted with impermanence.

A pardon from this paradox? Never.

Body parts strewn across your perfect breasts; blood pools around iris barriers, fighting maelstrom force waves from entering the gates to a world full of hatred, hunger, and fury.

My mind is a run on sentence run on moment run on life that won’t end too late too soon. Today is not the day. Your steel is warm now; my ferrous clenched hands have met your welcome half way. I don’t think you’ll see the light of day for a while.

Cut cold from a date soiled by holy urine and pepper spray, I think this won’t feel that bad. The skies hold hues from false gods and millions dead. I see their faces as my worn shoes tread this ground. Sorry for not saying hello, everybody.

Feet kept in line, in step, I’m fine. Really am. The grass bows and wilts under the unforgiving sun and its suppressing army of solar radiation and gusts of terror. Rain on me, fuckers, I don’t care; cancer for the mind, for the sole, for the lord.

Why won’t it end?

The music is playing in her eyes and it’s eating my insides to the tune of a chemical melody. Every note strikes chords with the monotonous beat of my heart.

Stop harmonizing.

Sacrifice your blood for the sake of mankind-for me. Mix this sheet of predictable behaviors, please. I take my stride to a different cadence; every day, every lifetime-a reincarnation of our sins and ripping seams. Time to retire this old thing-old life; old line. Maybe it’s TIME to live by another cheesy quote. Words that don’t belong to me-or you, or anyone alive.

This walk seems to never end. I guess that’s how it goes without a proper destination. Aimlessly through this desert of skeletons, I’ll hide my pride in a sea of sand. Here and there, I’ll bury it shallow; the caving walls prevent anything further. I don’t have anything left; I’ve been stripped bare. I’ll take your pills and empty advice-keep me sedated, keep me alright. Make me whole? I’ll pay the price. She won’t come back, I fucked up more times than I’d like. The guilt is here and the pain won’t subside. My mistakes and fears will never settle. I’ve got the solution but no time to divulge. Goodbye, goodnight, sad settlers of this instant-I’ve got a date to entertain; a needle for my veins.

step up. step in.

the untold lies we live...

we are aware of eachother's secrets
-through the telepathy our insecurities have grown.
in swearing this dishonesty, with our minute cold clues;
we have entrusted passageway for our mistakes to brew.

I see what you try to hide, from others while at my side.
and I read you like a book, from mountain tops afar.
this cycle of deceit will never say goodbye.

your wall is built of flirtations, pictures, quotes, and lies.
when will you decide to take it down? I promise you a surprise.
for size, I'll give you compassion;
for treachery, I'll give you love;
for construction, I'll give you truth.
it is something you must choose.

or atleast discover.

awkward dream

ahahahahahahahaha.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
laugh.

fucking laugh, you piece of shit.
the blade is in.
will you twist it,baby? I wanna feel the edge
singe my organs.
it feels good. makes me come.
makes me feel.
it makes me feel.
repetition, repetition; we'll keep turning the wheel.
its the best this world's got to offer.
its the best we have to offer.
so play your drums and sew your lips
the suture wont heal the wounds from whims.

too many blue people.

We took off our 3-D glasses, she buttoned up her pants, and we walked towards the exit. I grabbed a hold of her hand and pulled her as I ran out the door. She laughed with amusement-a sound I love-and followed close behind me. I threw my jacket over her and we made our way to her car. We got in and headed for food. We circled the taco bell like sharks, then finally ordered our meal; a number 7. As we pulled away, sipping on our mountain dew, we glanced at each other and smiled.
An unspoken agreement.
We rode down the highway.
I slipped the glasses back on and looked at her.
The lights and road works created a virtual image on the inside of them. A highway, filled with tired souls and constantly streaming lights, projected onto her mind.
Her eyes glistened; she concentrated on the road.
The lights changed to the tune of our soundtrack.
I missed her so much, even while she sat six inches away.
I missed the feel of her skin.
Her breath across my cheek.
Her gaze on me.
I don’t like it.
I hate it. I hate that every moment of my life seems so monotonous without her hand in mine.
Why can’t I be happy with my own experiences? Why must they be our experiences?
Fuck.
We stepped out of the car and scuffled to the apartment door. It was cold and the wind bit at my fingers. We crashed on the couch and I zipped her up in a sleeping bag. She looked at me with those big blue eyes-I-I didn’t want her to ever leave.
I never wanted to leave.

Too late.
I’ll see you in may, beautiful.

la dispute.

I seen a man burn to death, once
He was holding up the match as his hair turned to ash.
How I valued his charisma.

When I was little, I remember seeing an old lady who would walk around with a red wagon.
She'd talk to herself all day, sitting on a bench or just strolling along the streets.
My grandmother would sit with her sometimes. I think she always cared for those with a stigma.
She had many. Still does.

Once I died while climbing down into my basement. Such a cold and dark place, heaven was.
I'm thankful my best friend dragged me out; it was too dusty for my liking.

My father was a distraught man. Always seemed in thought, but refused to say a word.
I know he loved me. with the few ways he could show.
I still have that cigar clipper.

Sometimes I dream awake.
I walk through my mind and life changes around me. I change around me.
It's weird how I'm the only person sleeping through this.

I used to run away from home just to watch my sisters and mother go look for me.
As I sat there in that bush, with my ninja turtle underwear, I knew;
I knew, even then, that they were better off without me.
And me without them.


Fin.