Sleeping in the cold and nauseating commotion of a perpetual impression.
Sleeping session from a concession of confessions to a relentless tormenting regression.
Uncertainty as a principle of validation.
WHAT SAY YOU, EVIL APPARITION!!!
The ground warps these feet while an aura reverberates from the putrid pus of your teat.
A dry wine for us to drown in.
To the corps, to the souls we maim, and to hearts that we have tamed.
For our own iridescence has withered so.
Shall we tread as equals upon the surface of this hell!
forever knowing each others beauty and woe.
Cataclysms count down as gravity holds your hand.
A maelstrom of clay, gore, and abominations wait for this land.
Lo to those confined AND THOSE THAT ROT ASIDE!
To brethren of fratricide and the mutual rapes we hide.
It is here that we shall consummate this pact.
Showing posts with label military. Show all posts
Showing posts with label military. Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Parallax Error
I wake in a haze of hungry lips and cigarette smoke.
The foul air within our molding sepulchre stains the walls of my lungs.
An angel bows over my open tomb,
her marriage to religion stronger than a covalence that law has created.
I feel firm breasts pressed against my ribs-she sighs as violent a reaction;
Avarice precipitates from such an event.
speaking through the venomous fog, I whisper through pursed lips
“why are you deploying? “
The gates open but vigilant guards give a mute judgment that screams reluctance.
“do we have to talk about this right now? Its not something I wanna think about. Lets just enjoy the time we have.”
“you’re a coward, Kayla.”
“what the fuck?”
She raises above me, her prayers straddle metaphysical and concrete unions-such a duality shall not be tolerated.
“You know what, you should just go. I don’t need this shit right now-how could you even say that to me? I’m gonna be stuck in that fucking hellhole for twelve months.”
“but you’re CHOOSING to, that’s my point! Why the fuck are you going? You don’t love him.”
The skies roar as storms entrench. the gates shake as they are braced by the armies of Valhalla.
Will they strike down my naked sin?
“Do you know how hard this is? I fucking love you, but what the fuck? How can you expect me to just let my whole life fucking fall apart just for what YOU want? I know, no matter what, your lies will never stop.”
I am exiled from the thought of entering her plane. These tears are my crucifixion, for I am always the catalyst of the carnival.
“why don’t you trust me? I love you.”
“no you don’t! you fucking lie and lie and cheat. that’s all you fucking do and I just put up with it. I’m not gonna lose the only thing I have left.”
“you know what you fear most. And you know what feeds those loving hands.”
“shut the fuck up. I’m not scared of you anymore-I know you.”
Dumb, I have become. Only for a moment am I in disarray.
“this cant be real. You would never understand that.”
“and you’ll never understand this.”
My eyes open and I’m surprised to see Brittney next to me.
I slide from under her grasp, careful not to wake her.
What is happening to me? What the fuck is going on?
The mirror has no response for me today.
I look down at my hands, grasping desperately to the counter.
My arms are shaking.
walking out of the bathroom, I make my way to the apartment window.
I murmur, “looks like its gonna rain again today.”
My stare does not break from the foliage.
Their bark has turned blue but the leaves are black and matted with blood.
The air is stirred from the music between sheets and skin.
“I love you.”
A smile breaks my concentration; I turn to face a beautiful distraction.
“I see you decided to finally wake up.”
“I had a dream about you, ya know.”
“oh really? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you after you fix me breakfast, dearest.”
Her wit and cunning amuses me acutely.
I leap at the chance to rebel.
“AHHHHHHHHHH-GREG!”
As graceful as an earthquake, I land and quickly embrace her cheeks with open palms.
“I’ve missed your sass while you slept.”
“I bet you did-now make me pancakes?”
“only if you’ll let me cover you with aunt jemima”
“that sounds kinky, but I keep imagining you trying to stick me to something…so, no.”
“whatevz.”
I stand high above her, my feet sinking into the soft mattress.
I offer my hand and she accepts.
“lets go make those pancakes.”
“hah.”
“and by the way,”
I hold those cold hands close and send my thanks through seemingly smooth edges.
“I love you too.”
its truly beyond me.
The foul air within our molding sepulchre stains the walls of my lungs.
An angel bows over my open tomb,
her marriage to religion stronger than a covalence that law has created.
I feel firm breasts pressed against my ribs-she sighs as violent a reaction;
Avarice precipitates from such an event.
speaking through the venomous fog, I whisper through pursed lips
“
The gates open but vigilant guards give a mute judgment that screams reluctance.
“
“
“
She raises above me, her prayers straddle metaphysical and concrete unions-such a duality shall not be tolerated.
“
“
The skies roar as storms entrench. the gates shake as they are braced by the armies of Valhalla.
Will they strike down my naked sin?
“
I am exiled from the thought of entering her plane. These tears are my crucifixion, for I am always the catalyst of the carnival.
“
“
“you know what you fear most. And you know what feeds those loving hands.”
“shut the fuck up. I’m not scared of you anymore-I know you.”
Dumb, I have become. Only for a moment am I in disarray.
“this cant be real. You would never understand that.”
“and you’ll never understand this.”
My eyes open and I’m surprised to see Brittney next to me.
I slide from under her grasp, careful not to wake her.
What is happening to me? What the fuck is going on?
The mirror has no response for me today.
I look down at my hands, grasping desperately to the counter.
My arms are shaking.
walking out of the bathroom, I make my way to the apartment window.
I murmur, “looks like its gonna rain again today.”
My stare does not break from the foliage.
Their bark has turned blue but the leaves are black and matted with blood.
The air is stirred from the music between sheets and skin.
“I love you.”
A smile breaks my concentration; I turn to face a beautiful distraction.
“I see you decided to finally wake up.”
“I had a dream about you, ya know.”
“oh really? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you after you fix me breakfast, dearest.”
Her wit and cunning amuses me acutely.
I leap at the chance to rebel.
“AHHHHHHHHHH-GREG!”
As graceful as an earthquake, I land and quickly embrace her cheeks with open palms.
“I’ve missed your sass while you slept.”
“I bet you did-now make me pancakes?”
“only if you’ll let me cover you with aunt jemima”
“that sounds kinky, but I keep imagining you trying to stick me to something…so, no.”
“whatevz.”
I stand high above her, my feet sinking into the soft mattress.
I offer my hand and she accepts.
“lets go make those pancakes.”
“hah.”
“and by the way,”
I hold those cold hands close and send my thanks through seemingly smooth edges.
“I love you too.”
its truly beyond me.
Monday, November 1, 2010
bad habit.
a lot of the time, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and grab the closest thing i can write on, just to put my thoughts down. sometimes its reciepts, sometimes its philosophy books that make me go back to sleep. I should probably keep a note pad attached to me, literally. I could tie it to my wrist or something.
someone has propagated themselves in my mind, the bastards. I just wrote down some quick stuff so I could write more...well.... right now, at work. hell, its not like I actually have anything to do. not to get off the subject, but the idea to have such a large active duty military is completely rediculous. it exists, in my opinion, to stimulate growth and eliminate stagnation. after all, most cities that the bases are located in would lose TONS of jobs and consumers without them. like the one I'm at. it creates an illusion of actual growth, in my opinion. people pay taxes... to pay me... to buy things in places no one lives... and to make sure that the united states gains more space to do business at.
ANYWAYS, I haven't really looked into it that much to actually know what the fuck I'm talking about. just a bunch of assumptions, I suppose. hmmm. whatever.
she's fucking driving me crazy.
my ADD is raging right now.
oh yeah, i finished the catcher in the rye a few days ago. it was alright. kinda made me feel like I havent grown out of some "stage" yet. i don't know.
so far I've read anthem, the fountainhead, 1984, animal farm, cat's cradle, and those two stupid james frey books again. I don't know what else to waste my time with. any suggestionsaaaaa?
I feel like I've been playing catch up on my literature, since I dropped out of high school. no regrets, though. stupid mother fuckers get institutionalized and get some kind of idea that they're better than you because they went to fucking school. not everyone's sole ambition is to impress everyone around them. I don't need objects of an establishment to tell me I am intelligent or successful. I shall gauge my own accomplishments based off of my desires, not others'.
no more pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaseeeeeee.
I never have an actual subject. my mind is too jumbled.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
truth.
I lay their on my cot, the world, and the people in it, unwelcomed. absorbed into the pages of idealism and desired history that should have been present in time. now. here. always. I'm struck in the head-in the moment-the future already known. a tennis ball had planted itself to the left side of my head. I didn't know how to respond except to overdramatize the pain. they laughed. I laughed. uneasy and hurt in my pride. I got up after a few minutes of moaning and groaning, picked up the ball and made aware its existence that ceased in my grasp.
"give me the ball, delgado."
"fuck you."
the struggle that ensued was not neccessary, but only existed to meet one's own delusion of superiority-and my submission.
"give it back"
it pings off my chest.
I walk toward the laughs. the pride that fuels my torment;the fury.
the anger flushes through my extremities and channels itself into a fist.
firmly on his face.
silence.
silence.
the tears well up in his eyes, more is hurt than his body.
pride. security. establishment.
anarchy in one's mind has reared its intent.
I am not to be taken lightly.
I am not afraid of anyone, but myself.
"give me the ball, delgado."
"fuck you."
the struggle that ensued was not neccessary, but only existed to meet one's own delusion of superiority-and my submission.
"give it back"
it pings off my chest.
I walk toward the laughs. the pride that fuels my torment;the fury.
the anger flushes through my extremities and channels itself into a fist.
firmly on his face.
silence.
silence.
the tears well up in his eyes, more is hurt than his body.
pride. security. establishment.
anarchy in one's mind has reared its intent.
I am not to be taken lightly.
I am not afraid of anyone, but myself.
Monday, September 6, 2010
I have this overwhelming desire
to tell you I love you.
that i love you a hundred million times over.
it won't end and its okay.
my chest is tight-keeps tryin to push my heart through my throat. I guess it has alot to say that my mind just can't grasp right now.
after all, my brain thinks to much and has nothing but caution to greet my tongue.
my heart beats a tune that my mouth can move to. they sing duets when I feel you're presence. damn it's intense. a part of me wants it to pass, the other side wants to know what follows. does anything follow? perhaps not, but its too enchanting to give up hope.
I'm headin to california in just a little over a week. god damn. and this song won't stop playing in my head.
california stars
I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
of California stars
I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars
They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
of California stars
I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars
They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
(woody guthrie wrote it, but I've only heard mistuh bragg sing it.)
that i love you a hundred million times over.
it won't end and its okay.
my chest is tight-keeps tryin to push my heart through my throat. I guess it has alot to say that my mind just can't grasp right now.
after all, my brain thinks to much and has nothing but caution to greet my tongue.
my heart beats a tune that my mouth can move to. they sing duets when I feel you're presence. damn it's intense. a part of me wants it to pass, the other side wants to know what follows. does anything follow? perhaps not, but its too enchanting to give up hope.
I'm headin to california in just a little over a week. god damn. and this song won't stop playing in my head.
california stars
I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
of California stars
I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars
They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
I'd like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I'd love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I'd give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
of California stars
I'd like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my starbed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars
They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers' glass
Like friendly wine
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
So I'd give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
(woody guthrie wrote it, but I've only heard mistuh bragg sing it.)
I got an essay to write, but....
a giant gold fish bowl.
blue hues; the cold infused...
browns surround-a monochrome compass.
lackluster green holds the trees to a plastic only seen on christmas.
the white's been tread by blinded men, no hose could wash away their sins.
lets make it burn.
taste the char upon my lips?
its the ash, in every breath.
a hand trembles with power; not to create or destroy,
but to change.
from paper to poems, then those lines to soot.
all is permanent in existence, although not in state.
if something I write originated in my mind(did it?), does the thought also follow the same rules as what has been written? does it take up space? is it real? can it be measured? can it be lost? how about ruined? one thing's for sure, it can change mediums. a thought can find itself on paper only to rot away into some other form; lost and irretrievable. just like my mind. ha. but seriously, not really.
I'm in a rambling mood, like always...
blue hues; the cold infused...
browns surround-a monochrome compass.
lackluster green holds the trees to a plastic only seen on christmas.
the white's been tread by blinded men, no hose could wash away their sins.
lets make it burn.
taste the char upon my lips?
its the ash, in every breath.
a hand trembles with power; not to create or destroy,
but to change.
from paper to poems, then those lines to soot.
all is permanent in existence, although not in state.
if something I write originated in my mind(did it?), does the thought also follow the same rules as what has been written? does it take up space? is it real? can it be measured? can it be lost? how about ruined? one thing's for sure, it can change mediums. a thought can find itself on paper only to rot away into some other form; lost and irretrievable. just like my mind. ha. but seriously, not really.
I'm in a rambling mood, like always...
Friday, September 3, 2010
IN THE YEAR 2013.
its becoming increasingly difficult to hide my emotions about my employer... yesterday I pretty much ended my job in public affairs-prolly goin back to S-6. no tellin how long this whole army thing is gonna last, in general.I'm hoping i'll make it to the end of my contract. just gotta keep tellin myself that this will pay off in the end, but fucking god DAMN. damn damn damn FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKITYFUCK. fuck. I need a kitten-or a bunny. something cute and soft to calm me down. too bad I'm only allowed to have a fish. WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYY am I nagging so much lately? I almost feel like there's all this pentup anger building from every little insignificant rule that holds me back. I once heard that all the free men(and women) are the ones in prison. there's a reason they were confined; was it because they are bad people or rebellious in nature? maybe a lil bit of both?...????? am I bad person for wanting to do whatever I wish? or does it make me a bad person for NOT doing what ever i want? kinda pointless to ask-since its up to me to answer... jeez, I'm psycho.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
california stars seventeen chimes
its a great new day, darling.
a great new morning full of prospects, stars, and soon-sunshine.
hold your head up high and sing! sing, sing, sing-cos one day I'll be close enough to hear. and one day I'll be able to sweep you off your feet.
again.
again, again, and again, and I'll never ever, ever stop staring my past into your heart. we'll fill eachother up til our belts are undone.
your helpings of compassion drive me.
you are the dew on my brow. a beautiful waking to everyday-momentary, but a glimpse of whats to come.
no mountain could stop me from gazing from freckle to freckle.
no ocean could drowned out the sound of your mighty seal roar.
and no gunfire, no explosions, no blood, no death will make me forget what matters most. life is nothing but a game with out you.
nothing's real with out you.
bring the peace, babe. bring that song loud and high. language becomes a thing of the past. A new beginning, free of hatred and deceit!
replaced with honest eyes and a voice of silk. sing, sing, sing so the world'll see!
in surprise they'll know-oh, they'll know. that love is what matters.
no matter how fleeting.
show them all, not just me.
I always told you, remember? you're a gift not limited to me.
you're not mine to cage, but I'll always, always, always
be there to open a door for you to fly.
believe me, I spout nonsense. I spout overplayed words and lines.
but does that make them any less mine?
I support a living idea.
someone's gotta keep it goin-and I'll always be a someone.
generation to generation, we've all got our ways.
mine happens to be through you.
dream dream dreams, come my way. I'll keep my banter behind my eyes and on the tip of a pen. for you and who ever cares to see.
cos I realized, it doesn't just have to be you and me.
a great new morning full of prospects, stars, and soon-sunshine.
hold your head up high and sing! sing, sing, sing-cos one day I'll be close enough to hear. and one day I'll be able to sweep you off your feet.
again.
again, again, and again, and I'll never ever, ever stop staring my past into your heart. we'll fill eachother up til our belts are undone.
your helpings of compassion drive me.
you are the dew on my brow. a beautiful waking to everyday-momentary, but a glimpse of whats to come.
no mountain could stop me from gazing from freckle to freckle.
no ocean could drowned out the sound of your mighty seal roar.
and no gunfire, no explosions, no blood, no death will make me forget what matters most. life is nothing but a game with out you.
nothing's real with out you.
bring the peace, babe. bring that song loud and high. language becomes a thing of the past. A new beginning, free of hatred and deceit!
replaced with honest eyes and a voice of silk. sing, sing, sing so the world'll see!
in surprise they'll know-oh, they'll know. that love is what matters.
no matter how fleeting.
show them all, not just me.
I always told you, remember? you're a gift not limited to me.
you're not mine to cage, but I'll always, always, always
be there to open a door for you to fly.
believe me, I spout nonsense. I spout overplayed words and lines.
but does that make them any less mine?
I support a living idea.
someone's gotta keep it goin-and I'll always be a someone.
generation to generation, we've all got our ways.
mine happens to be through you.
dream dream dreams, come my way. I'll keep my banter behind my eyes and on the tip of a pen. for you and who ever cares to see.
cos I realized, it doesn't just have to be you and me.
Monday, November 2, 2009
I walked out of my barracks room, after the fire alarm had been been pulled, and I stared up at the trees. the leaves semi translucent and glowing a bright green. the moths fluttering in the light, and thenandthere I felt happy. just. that moment-that lasted for quite sometime.
earlier I tried to put my thoughts together, to come up with an entry, but I felt like I had no time... even though all I have is time. I feel as if I wish I could just be at a standstill. everything stop-but not me. I'd put in my head phones,the cure blaring, rip my clothes off, and run wild through texas. I want to walk into my apartment, almost dead from exhaustion-1200 miles? human beings were made to survive, but not like this. I want to scream at the world and let everyone know I am here, but not ready. not ready for time to move on and not ready for people to move on.
I have stripped myself of opportunities, of loved ones, of freedoms-and for what? a second chance? is it worth killing people? supressing others' freedoms? I'm starting to think I'd rather die then be part of this.
its fucking cold, Mr. Smith, and I wish I could see her smile again.
earlier I tried to put my thoughts together, to come up with an entry, but I felt like I had no time... even though all I have is time. I feel as if I wish I could just be at a standstill. everything stop-but not me. I'd put in my head phones,the cure blaring, rip my clothes off, and run wild through texas. I want to walk into my apartment, almost dead from exhaustion-1200 miles? human beings were made to survive, but not like this. I want to scream at the world and let everyone know I am here, but not ready. not ready for time to move on and not ready for people to move on.
I have stripped myself of opportunities, of loved ones, of freedoms-and for what? a second chance? is it worth killing people? supressing others' freedoms? I'm starting to think I'd rather die then be part of this.
its fucking cold, Mr. Smith, and I wish I could see her smile again.
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