Monday, May 31, 2010

no more.

everything is falling apart.

those I see, touch, and know are crumbling in between the minutes-I'm so tired of searching through every moment to reconstruct. brittany is gone. breezes picked up and dispersed the ashes. nothing left to rub on gritted teeth. nothing left to fuel the rage. life's image has revealed itself to me on a cross. hung out for those to make a mockery of-and for me-to feel nothing. there is no love, nor dreams worth fighting to preserve, only lies. self preservation and self interest. living for myself reminds me how much I despise who I am-and everyone who cherishes it... or atleast pretends. you are there, lying in bed alone in his arms. which reality is truth? the seemingly false letters streaming from smooth lips? or the fact that you let him inside-where its been said only I belong?
both? that seems like a bullshit answer you'd give.
mother fucker. when I see you, it won't matter. it won't last.

this cigarette burns too fast.
the ashes flutter like flak in a war torn starry sky. gleaming death falls upon my thigh.
fuck, it stings. a scar-a plea-a reminder of times passed wasting away to burning down the memories sunk gracefully to the bottom of an oil slick body of bodies of bodies.when will I look up from this painful reverie?
my feet know best, they always serve as a trustworthy guide.
walk, walk, walk, just-just no more talk.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


dried photosynthesized souls of a perplexed youth.
kill my dreams, fears, and fooled files of reciepts.
dandelions pressed between teeth-eyes filled from beauty underneath.
ants cross canyons, their path predetermined from forces unknown.
hate to say, but I told you so.
hate to say it, but I told you so.

trapped suns from gaze to glance, shadows fall and blend.
this rule will never bend-nor break.
a love which you can fake? hah.
we are no fools.

we are no fools.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

American Idol

Ghosts of tired delusions stain the bed sheets. I can taste the salts in my mouth. It makes me want it more. Want to peer through my face? We can all take a closer look. A circus masquerade, a fitting freak show for my captive audience.

Do it. Fucking do it. Recoil operated words will pierce though this mirrored image of disgust. Got greasy palms from holding my head too long-suppose these worn finger tips of mine might slip upon the trigger? A memetic inheritance shall leak through my eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. Subconscious scripts of viral information will run rampant through your system of absolutes and discrepancies. sleep and routine will never cease to be tainted with impermanence.

A pardon from this paradox? Never.

Body parts strewn across your perfect breasts; blood pools around iris barriers, fighting maelstrom force waves from entering the gates to a world full of hatred, hunger, and fury.

My mind is a run on sentence run on moment run on life that won’t end too late too soon. Today is not the day. Your steel is warm now; my ferrous clenched hands have met your welcome half way. I don’t think you’ll see the light of day for a while.

Cut cold from a date soiled by holy urine and pepper spray, I think this won’t feel that bad. The skies hold hues from false gods and millions dead. I see their faces as my worn shoes tread this ground. Sorry for not saying hello, everybody.

Feet kept in line, in step, I’m fine. Really am. The grass bows and wilts under the unforgiving sun and its suppressing army of solar radiation and gusts of terror. Rain on me, fuckers, I don’t care; cancer for the mind, for the sole, for the lord.

Why won’t it end?

The music is playing in her eyes and it’s eating my insides to the tune of a chemical melody. Every note strikes chords with the monotonous beat of my heart.

Stop harmonizing.

Sacrifice your blood for the sake of mankind-for me. Mix this sheet of predictable behaviors, please. I take my stride to a different cadence; every day, every lifetime-a reincarnation of our sins and ripping seams. Time to retire this old thing-old life; old line. Maybe it’s TIME to live by another cheesy quote. Words that don’t belong to me-or you, or anyone alive.

This walk seems to never end. I guess that’s how it goes without a proper destination. Aimlessly through this desert of skeletons, I’ll hide my pride in a sea of sand. Here and there, I’ll bury it shallow; the caving walls prevent anything further. I don’t have anything left; I’ve been stripped bare. I’ll take your pills and empty advice-keep me sedated, keep me alright. Make me whole? I’ll pay the price. She won’t come back, I fucked up more times than I’d like. The guilt is here and the pain won’t subside. My mistakes and fears will never settle. I’ve got the solution but no time to divulge. Goodbye, goodnight, sad settlers of this instant-I’ve got a date to entertain; a needle for my veins.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I really do.

we woke up hungover, me with a black eye and some nasty gashes.
saw shamu. got splashed by shamu.
dazzled at all the hot scene chicks on fixed gears in austin. went to emo's. that place reminds me of home so much.
experienced the pink monkeyyyyyyyyyyy. I never knew how fun strip clubs could be. plus there's naked and "empowered" women everywhere.
I like this.
time for a shower and a nap before my bike ride :]