I walked out of my barracks room, after the fire alarm had been been pulled, and I stared up at the trees. the leaves semi translucent and glowing a bright green. the moths fluttering in the light, and thenandthere I felt happy. just. that moment-that lasted for quite sometime.

earlier I tried to put my thoughts together, to come up with an entry, but I felt like I had no time... even though all I have is time. I feel as if I wish I could just be at a standstill. everything stop-but not me. I'd put in my head phones,the cure blaring, rip my clothes off, and run wild through texas. I want to walk into my apartment, almost dead from exhaustion-1200 miles? human beings were made to survive, but not like this. I want to scream at the world and let everyone know I am here, but not ready. not ready for time to move on and not ready for people to move on.

I have stripped myself of opportunities, of loved ones, of freedoms-and for what? a second chance? is it worth killing people? supressing others' freedoms? I'm starting to think I'd rather die then be part of this.

its fucking cold, Mr. Smith, and I wish I could see her smile again.