Parallax Error

I wake in a haze of hungry lips and cigarette smoke.
The foul air within our molding sepulchre stains the walls of my lungs.
An angel bows over my open tomb,
her marriage to religion stronger than a covalence that law has created.
I feel firm breasts pressed against my ribs-she sighs as violent a reaction;
Avarice precipitates from such an event.
speaking through the venomous fog, I whisper through pursed lips
“why are you deploying? “
The gates open but vigilant guards give a mute judgment that screams reluctance.
“do we have to talk about this right now? Its not something I wanna think about. Lets just enjoy the time we have.”
“you’re a coward, Kayla.”
“what the fuck?”
She raises above me, her prayers straddle metaphysical and concrete unions-such a duality shall not be tolerated.
“You know what, you should just go. I don’t need this shit right now-how could you even say that to me? I’m gonna be stuck in that fucking hellhole for twelve months.”
“but you’re CHOOSING to, that’s my point! Why the fuck are you going? You don’t love him.”
The skies roar as storms entrench. the gates shake as they are braced by the armies of Valhalla.
Will they strike down my naked sin?
“Do you know how hard this is? I fucking love you, but what the fuck? How can you expect me to just let my whole life fucking fall apart just for what YOU want? I know, no matter what, your lies will never stop.”
I am exiled from the thought of entering her plane. These tears are my crucifixion, for I am always the catalyst of the carnival.
“why don’t you trust me? I love you.”
“no you don’t! you fucking lie and lie and cheat. that’s all you fucking do and I just put up with it. I’m not gonna lose the only thing I have left.”
“you know what you fear most. And you know what feeds those loving hands.”
“shut the fuck up. I’m not scared of you anymore-I know you.”
Dumb, I have become. Only for a moment am I in disarray.
“this cant be real. You would never understand that.”
“and you’ll never understand this.”

My eyes open and I’m surprised to see Brittney next to me.
I slide from under her grasp, careful not to wake her.
What is happening to me? What the fuck is going on?
The mirror has no response for me today.
I look down at my hands, grasping desperately to the counter.
My arms are shaking.
walking out of the bathroom, I make my way to the apartment window.
I murmur, “looks like its gonna rain again today.”
My stare does not break from the foliage.
Their bark has turned blue but the leaves are black and matted with blood.
The air is stirred from the music between sheets and skin.
“I love you.”
A smile breaks my concentration; I turn to face a beautiful distraction.
“I see you decided to finally wake up.”
“I had a dream about you, ya know.”
“oh really? What happened?”
“I’ll tell you after you fix me breakfast, dearest.”
Her wit and cunning amuses me acutely.
I leap at the chance to rebel.
“AHHHHHHHHHH-GREG!”
As graceful as an earthquake, I land and quickly embrace her cheeks with open palms.
“I’ve missed your sass while you slept.”
“I bet you did-now make me pancakes?”
“only if you’ll let me cover you with aunt jemima”
“that sounds kinky, but I keep imagining you trying to stick me to something…so, no.”
“whatevz.”
I stand high above her, my feet sinking into the soft mattress.
I offer my hand and she accepts.
“lets go make those pancakes.”
“hah.”
“and by the way,”
I hold those cold hands close and send my thanks through seemingly smooth edges.
“I love you too.”
its truly beyond me.

sepiida

its raining.
never thought it would-not here-not now... pretty stupid, right?


hmmm.

the air tastes of concrete, its harsh on my throat. the shelter of the trailer I'm on, wraps around my shoulders-I feel so warm.

you know how much I love the rain.
the sounds, sight, smells.
you know so much about me. I miss you, by the way. it's been a while-and the last time wasn't very ideal.
I have dreams of us drenched from running through the rain, sitting next to each other to keep warm-on the ground, against the wall of my apartments. a draft howling through the front door, we huddle and wait for the wind to stop. the relief of warmth returns. the dying sunflowers strain and become unstrained with the laughs and squeels of the children in the court yard.
we don't talk.
we just sit-I stare at the death-you watch our toes. they overlap one another, your big toe beating down on my pinky. I lean my head on to yours and the rivulets of the st. johns absorbs my weary mind. the smell of the parched pavement is overwhelmed by the essence of your waves. as I sink down to your bottom, like I have so many times before, the thrashing from the storm becomes muffled-and an afterthought.
I close my eyes, and we sit.
we sit there and we sit there and we stay there. the rain does not stop. it does not let up. but I am safe in your currents. I am safe in the grips of our toes.
I am safe and warm and calm, and I am happy to be.
in the darkness of the skies in the darkness of the night, dreaming-in the darkness of your watersmeetingcoolpristinebeautifulmesmerizingspringblue. springblue. the source from which your murky waters flow. pureclearblue to wateroakbrown. I'll never tire of stirring your waters.
at night. in day. under trees. in rain. in heat. in snow. in sand. in dreams. in blankets. in hand. in truth: I feel at peace.

there's no reason to leave.

19 something.

its 0539 in florida. 0439 in texas.
0239 here. I have five more hours on shift.
I am bare.
I am irritable.
I am anxious to know these mountainsvacantskiesandshamelesscreatures.
four more hours and the world shall turn upside down.

you have to see it.
standing on a starless sky. a glowing emptiness to dissolve in.

two more weeks.

my lips are cracked from god's clay kiln.
no moisture escapes these eyes-not these days or those ahead.

the grand canyon stands tall, I'm sure it does.
maybe one day we'll see it's hues
-like everett ruess and his navajo wife.
some would say a backdrop... in absentia of life.
I think we know better.